Vice Principal Hades

"You've reached the big guy. Hades. Lord of the Underworld. You know, the one with the hair. Leave a message. I'll get back to you WHEN I FEEL LIKE IT."

BEEP.

The doves had taken a few hours to find Hades to deliver the gift of flowers, but eventually they tracked him down.

Hades was having barbecued bird for dinner while he watched TV and felt smug about things going according to plan. No, he didn't need to eat, but sometimes it was fun.

The 30 minutes were up. The creatures were loose on the island. The spirits were flooding the island. People were being nabbed from the streets by demons to stir the pot and for a little entertainment. There was only one thing left to do, ceremonial though it was.

Hades pushed the door to Zoe's office open with a flick of little effort. There was no need to hide anymore, no need to hold back on his powers or temper and pretend to tolerate people. As far as he was concerned, he owned this place now.

The office was just a perk.

He sauntered over to the desk, looked around and flopped into the 'big' chair. He'd waited for this. He was patient, infinitely patient, and he'd put up with Zoe, the Dean and the Mountie for long enough. Hades swung his feet up onto the desk and leaned back.

Yeah. This was worth the wait.

[OOC: For yes, we know who you are.]

I'm off home after 2 and a half months in North America (and fifteen flights later). Unfortunately this means a 14 hour flight to Taipei, then an 8 hour flight back to the merry old land of Oz. Take into account driving time, a layover, the time I'll have to spend in passport control and customs and complete lack of sleep and I'm out for the next few days.

Blah flying. But hoooome!

To say that Hades had been laying low during their time in Greece would have been completely and utterly correct. That may have had a lot to do with the proximity to Mount Olympus. Sure, they were still miles and miles away, but it was far too close for comfort and Hades wasn't about to waste his time hiding out in Fandom by getting caught doing something stupid right under Zeus' nose.

He'd done that already and it hadn't worked out so great. Not that he'd never do it again, but these things required a subtle touch and some reasonably thought out scheming.

His plan this time was simple: lay low, keep out of Zeus' sight and make a plan. He hadn't gotten to the plan part yet. Oprah had distracted him from that.

( Unfortunately, Zeus had decided to stop by. )

It was all fun and games until someone gave a voice command. The change was subtle, because it wasn't the island that changed. The sky was different all of a sudden. The smell of the air after a few moments changed, only slightly, but enough to be noticed by Hades. But the sky was the sky and the island was the island and the only thing different was the view if you looked down towards the causeway.

The shift was enough to make Hades drop his popcorn and slink back into the crowd away from the mess. He was looking down at where the causeway had once led to mainland Virginia.

The new 'mainland' could have been anywhere, really, if you didn't know what you were looking at, if you didn't recognize the cliffs and the beaches and the distant architecture as if it was your own. It didn't feel all that much different if you didn't feel every inch of the land under your finger and toenails and the Aegean and Mediterranean Seas course through your veins and form the spit in your mouth. Sure, it was a different universe, but he knew another place where the lines between worlds weren't always so clear. He turned away from Santorini and, to any passer by, might have been looking out to the ocean at nothing.

He wasn't looking at nothing. He couldn't physically see it, but he knew it was there.

Mount Olympus stood beyond the horizon, miles away on the continental mainland, home of the Greek pantheon of gods. In some universes, the gods had a presence, whether they were known or in seclusion. In others, what was known here as Greece and the surrounding regions was neglected or inaccessible to the gods in their many forms.

It was complicated.

This wasn't his universe, and yet Hades could feel the presence of Mount Olympus, its peak a weak spot in the fabric of existence, a good place for deities to make home and come and go between the land of the mortals and their own palatial dimension high above. Hades knew it was there. He always knew it was there. He'd been denied a place on Mount Olympus by his dear brother Zeus, who appointed him as the guardian of the Underworld and all the souls that passed through its gates. Olympus was always there, a nagging reminder, a crick in his neck, a buzz in his ear, always keeping in his mind what he was missing out on while he toiled in the dark caverns of Tartarus and the glitter-stained Vice Principal's office of Fandom High.

No wonder he was always such a sourpuss.

Hades' eye twitched. In Virginia, Fandom was a blindspot on Zeus' godly radar. But here? So close to Greek Grand Central Station? He wasn't so sure that would keep working out for him. This would require caution and patience and a whole lot of luck at not getting caught. Possibly some scheming. After all, Zeus was probably still annoyed that Hades kept trying to kill Zeus' son. The one without feathers.

Yeah, it was like that with Zeus. And Hades was still the bad guy. Go figure.

Now he was in a bad mood. He'd been having such a good day.

Hades had managed to get through the day without singing. He was feeling pretty smug about that until the piano started.

"Is this the real life?
Is this just fantasy?
Caught in a landslide,
No escape from reali-"

The clock on the stone mantle ticked over to midnight, catching Hades mid-sentence.

With a sneer, Hades rolled his eyes and flopped onto the couch. "Psshht. The island loves to shake things up. One of these days, I'm gonna show this place how to really shake things up."

Hades' attempts to become a presidential candidate hadn't worked so well. He wasn't eligible, for one. Then Stephen Colbert had denied knowing him and refused to be his running mate, even though they'd had a great interview about a year ago. Of course, then he found out that Colbert had decided to go ahead and try to run for President on his own. Jerk. Still, with Clinton and McCain looking like the likely candidates now, Hades was content that the country would be doomed either way and he could pick up the pieces after they were done, no matter who won. He was content to let it go for now. Or, more accurately, he got a better idea and it didn't involve schmoozing with the public.

His focus was now on other things. There was a new table in his office, a smaller version of the one in his lair in the Preserve (also the one he used to have back home). To the casual observer, it looked like a big board game. To Hades, who was sitting in his desk chair staring at the pieces, it was more.

This did not bode well for the cosmos.

The thing about Hades was that he was happy to do his job provided that meant he didn't have to do pretty much anything. That was why he'd been in Hawaii for the week. He tossed his lei on the shelf beside his desk and collapsed into his chair. "Ahhhh." There was nothing like a comfortable chair and silence.

The only thing that could ruin his day is people showing up.

Hades was back in his office for the first time in a very long time. He'd come to realize that a Vice Principal didn't actually do much when he was able to bribe a squirrel into doing his paperwork. Sure, history would say he had questionable grammar and a fixation on nuts, but it was better than actually doing menial work.

While the squirrel did his paperwork at the desk, Hades was pacing the rest of his office, hands behind his back as he mused in the low lighting. He'd been here a year now. One mortal year. Add to that the fifty years he'd spent falling through the pit of souls and he was a little out of the loop. He wasn't keen to take on Herc the jerk again any time soon and the titans, the ace up his sleeve last time, were no doubt still annoyed at him for not winning and letting them loose on the world.

Not a good idea to mess with angry titans for at least another millennia or two. The thought that Hades was actually living two millennia ahead of his last plan hadn't occur to him yet.

All he knew was that he was stuck (unless he wanted to deal with Zeus' wrath, no thanks) and lacking an obtainable goal. Cable TV wasn't helping with his motivation. Curse you, Oprah.

Then the song came, interrupting his not-sulking-at-all-really. He didn't even realize it until he started tapping his foot along with the beat.

I can't get no...satisfaction.

"Tell me about it."

I can't get no...satisfaction.

The urge to sing along was too powerful and great.

"'Cause I try! And I try! And I try! And I try!"

The squirrel looked up from the paperwork and shook his head.

"I can't get no," Hades sang, "I can't get no..."

This was probably going to go on a while.

Hades had shown incredible self-restraint in staying away from the sick people and not tormenting them. He wasn't actually planning on keeping it up, but hey, a god had to do what a god had to do. He was in his office playing darts when something happened. It threw him off guard and made him miss.

Turning towards the door, Hades stopped. "That was unexpected." He could usually tell when these things were coming. Maybe, if the sickness was this bad, it was time to get out and about amongst the mortals. He hadn't made a deal in a long time. Hades was nothing if not an opportunist and this was the opportunity of the year.

Night had fallen when Hades left the school grounds to return to his lair in the Preserve. He made his way through the darkness, following the same path he always took, muttering to himself about this and that.

He stopped in his tracks once he came to a clearing and listened. The animals were talking. Not that he could understand what they were saying, of course, no, but there was an agitation in their calls, an unsettled nervousness that had them speaking up against their better instincts.

Hades looked up at the sky and listened more closely. His lip curled up at the side at the vibe he was picking up on. Something was definitely off. "Huh," he commented. "That can't be good."

A moment later, he shrugged it off and headed back on his path to the lair. There was a repeat of Neanderthals on in ten minutes and he didn't want to miss it.


[Establishy.]

Hades liked weekends. Weekends were when he didn't have to deal with students. Of course, if he'd been paying any attention to the island and its humans this week, he would have realized that it was Parents' Weekend. Yeah, not so much. Still, his door was open, he was playing Wii bowling (sport of the gods) and although he was expecting a quiet day, he was certainly interruptible. After all, there were many things that the Lord of the Underworld expected that didn't work out the way he wanted.

That's what made things entertaining.


[OOC: Working today (tonight US time) so slow play is our friend. Hades' office is on the ground floor of the main building, so it's very easy to find yourself wandering by!]

Hades was in his office, watching the wee knight jousting competition on his desk. "Knock his head off!" he cheered and leaned down to whisper to one of the knights watching on. "Ten bucks on the guy in the blue."

The door was open.

You wouldn't think that Greek gods could have hangovers. Of course, you wouldn't think that Greek gods could be affected by mind-wiping magic, think he was Percy McTaggart, get drunk, fall asleep (considering he didn't sleep) and wake up in bed the next morning (considering he didn't have a bed the night before). But it happened.

The only thing was that he wasn't alone in the bed. The god of the dead and Lord of the Underworld was fast asleep with a pineapple tucked under his arm. Well, he was asleep until the pineapple pricked him.

With a yelp that was pretty ungodly, but shh don't tell, Hades leapt out of bed.

He remembered everything. He remembered singing, buying drinks, being nice to people. Percy McTaggart? Seriously? Hades looked down at what he was holding. He remembered almost everything.

"Pineapple?"

Hades was in and playing darts. The dart board had Hercules' face on it. He was feeling nostalgic.

The door was open.

Okay, so office hours weren't meant to be held on Sundays. Hades, however, was the God of the Dead and he decided he'd hold his office hours whenever he felt like it. If anyone had a problem with that then, well, he'd probably throw popcorn at them or something that didn't involve looking away from watching Misguided. He had no clue whatsoever what was going on with the show, but it was always fun to watch mortals running around flailing about higher powers messing with them.

[OOC: Sleep now. Replies tonight!]

Hades was back, baby. Where had he been? Yeah, he wasn't telling. He still wasn't doing any paperwork, though.

Settling Herman the rubber ducky back on his shelf, Hades sat back in his chair, looked around at his now completed and refurnished office and then settled his eyes on the open door.

Sigh. Students.

Hades was tidying up his office. Things were being thrown into boxes, dusty shelves and the desk top were being dusted with his robe and Herman the rubber ducky watched on with inanimate eyes. Were he alive and not an inanimate rubbery ducky, he probably would have wondered what the heck was going on unless he realized that what was going on was maternity leave. Namely, Zoe's maternity leave, starting today.

Scariest of all, Hades was humming. He wasn't just humming though. He was humming Sinatra and occasionally breaking out into song.

"Regrets! I've had a few, but then again? Too few to mention. I did what I had to do!" There might have been a bit of dancing involved. "And saw it through without exemption - you know what I'm talking about, Herman." He turned some of the smoky part of his robe into a microphone to sing into. "I planned each charted course, each careful step along the byway. But moooore, much more than this, I did myyyyyyyy waaaaaay!" He dropped the smoky microphone and splayed his fingers out. "With jazz hands."



Hades lounged against his desk and looked up at Herman on the shelf. "You know what Herman? It's been a while since I've had a dramatic monologue. Not that I miss Pain or Panic or that you're not doing a swell job of sitting there and not annoying me, but a god's gotta have someone to talk to, someone who can truly appreciate the magnitude of his plans. Someone who can stay there and grovel and do my bidding. Don't get me wrong, this place has been a great little hiding spot away from Zeus," he practically spat the name, "But how was I supposed to know the school board knew what they were doing with that contract? As long as I'm not in the top chair, I can't have complete and unabated power over Fandom. But! But, my rubbery little squeaky friend, they didn't count on dear, sweet, gun-toting Zoe getting herself pregnant and having to go on maternity leave. And that? Puts me in the big chair. Temporarily, granted, but that's the little loophole and I'm going to take advantage of it. I mean, c'mon, Hades, Lord of the Dead, God of the whatever you get the picture. Loopholes are my cup of joe."

Picking the rubber duck up, Hades headed to the doorway to get settled in his new office. "Herman, we're moving up in the world again. I've been planning for this for months. And now? The party's really gonna get started!" He was about to slam the door closed behind him when the phone rang. Irritated, he turned around and went to answer it. "Nobody appreciates a good dramatic exit these days." He picked up the phone. "Hades, yeah, what? From the school board? Yeah, put him through." A few moments passed, the frog on the other end of the line started to talk and the blue of his hair lightened until it flared orange and the flames grew big enough to singe the ceiling. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN SUBSTITUTE PRINCIPAL?"

Curses. Foiled again.

[Just establishy.]

Oh, look. Hades wasn't participating in online gambling. He wasn't watching Oprah. He wasn't even playing mini-golf with a plastic flamingo anymore. He was in his office, of all places, sitting in his chair. The office was back to normal. Hades, however, was just sitting there. Thinking.

This usually did not bode well for the universe.

The door was open.

[OOC: Going to sleep, will pick up tags tonight!]